Count Down Continues....Scanxiety Ahead.

After a weekend filled with lots and lots of cousins (1st and 2nd) and green snot...we have transitioned to the countdown phase a Cancer family endures the weeks leading up to the scans.  While this will forever be a part of who we are, it doesn't make it any easier.  Whether its every few weeks, months or even a year it will always be one of the hardest aspects of this road.  The waiting, the praying, the dreading, the hoping, the preparing, the crying, the pleading and the heartache are all part of the process that none of us should ever have to go through.  Amazingly enough, we get through the scans with either a pat on the back -- safe for now -- or a new plan...a new fight.  A year ago we made it through with a new plan.  One we never expected to be on that early in the fight, but one that we nonetheless started and a year later are still working on.  Its hard to think that 12 months ago we started yet again, a new chemo regimen.  One that we hoped would buy us some time, allow us to create some memories.  It worked and here we are with 12 more months of sweet memories -- not all as pleasant as one would like, but ones I wouldn't give up for the world.  Once again we've been challenged and pushed, and we've made it to the other side.

This scan will be the toughest one yet.  When Avery relapsed last fall, it was 3 months after treatment ended.  (even though technically she was still on a maintenance chemo)  This time we are 4 months off of treatment.  You can see the relevance of this scan and the panic attacks that Jeremy and I are having on a daily basis at this point.  While the last 3 months have been a fabulous relief on us, allowing us to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that our normal....was well, the norm, it's time for us to jump back into our reality.  Cancer is part of who we are as a family and something that will forever rear its ugly head and be a killjoy for us periodically.  It's not going away no matter how good she looks, talks, walks, thinks, etc.  It will always be there in the corner, threatening to jump out in front of us when you least expect it. BAM!  Welcome to being a Cancer Parent.

So while Avery continues on in her wild and crazy ways of being a toddler...Jeremy and I will be excusing ourselves at regular intervals to freak out for a few minutes alone.  Your jobs people,  is to pray - HARD and OFTEN - that October 3rd ends in a sense of relief, a pat on the back, and another 3 months of our heads in the sand....

with our gratitude,

Jenn